Tina Time

3/5/06

I begin without much thought to form or content, more an open forum to let the thoughts fall out of my head as they formulate and hope that the content takes on structure and at least leans toward a point. But while I chide myself for the inclination and aspiration to post these words in a public space, at the same time I am compelled to do so, following a destiny that, while to date is still to be fulfilled, is a path that seems comfortable and familliar as well as pre-ordained.

I think back to an email forwarded to me by someone in my circle of forwards that helped to conciliate the embarrassment of needed public acceptance of my words and the compulsion to publish.

A letter from Martha Graham to Agnes Demille:

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that
is translated through you into action, and because
there is only one of you in all time, this expression
is unique.

If you block it,
it will never exist through any other medium
and be lost.
The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine how good it is;
nor how valuable it is;
nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and
directly,
to keep the channel open.

You do not even have to contemplate yourself or your
work.
You have to keep open and aware directly
to the urges that move you.

Keep the channel open.
No artist is pleased.
There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction;
a blessed unrest that keeps us marching
and makes us more alive than the others

So, feeling compelled to write, often channeling thought faster than I can type, constantly concerned about putting the work out there.....this seems quite comforting......

March 4,2006

It is almost painful to begin this, as I feel presumptuous in supposing that my musings on various topics, and what could become a rambling set of nonsense, has a purpose. But for reasons I cannot understand nor explain, I am compelled to publicly share myself, unguarded, unendorsed and for the most part, uninvited. But ever since I began putting my words to verse, I have noticed that the first thing I want to do after having written something clever or (what I perceive to be) touching on universal thoughts and values is to share the words to gauge the reaction.

For, it is the reaction to the words for which they are written. As much as or more so than the simple satisfaction of putting ideas to form is the purpose of sharing a thought or a feeling or an idea. Without the validations that they are more than my own appreciation for my own views or feelings is the imperative that the words speak to others and stand on their own when separated from the feelings for the author.

So, I expand my world and put my work out past family and friends to this public domain, inviting in strangers who will not already know and love me and will judge the work, the words, the ideas, the entire package on the strength of the words and on the work itself. Terrifying and exhilarating at the same time as I approach this blog (probably read by a few of my friends but written as if to the general population of potential visitors) with a confidence I work hard to possess that the words are of value, the ideas worth pondering and the inspirations will provide the context of the journey on which we now embark.