Tina Time

So here it is, coming down to the test. Is this a serious endevour? Am I serious about this? It's the time where the luster has dimmed, the excitement of the performance has faded, the work has begun. So here is the deal, the time has come when I should write, need to write, but prefer or choose to do other things. I find myself making excuses each evening as dinner, homework, family and committments still press in. By the time evening is done and my time is my own, I am exhausted.

As we walk through this process and examine the components of inspiration, try to find where motivation originates, understand the forces that pull us to avoid or embrace the task at hand, I must acknowledge my own weakness in giving in to excuses.

Too tired, too many other things to do, just no energy left at the end of the day or guilt for choosing writing over chores or time with family and friends, have all been excuses I have allowed myself instead of focusing on the goal. No matter what the day has been like, there is almost always 30 min to be found when its a priority. I always think about Woody Allen's quote, "80% of success is just showing up". Doing the work, spending the time, choosing the activity that requires additional focus and energy after a long day, even if its not perfect, even if you're not in the mood, that is showing up.

Another favorite quote from Henry Ford (and forgive as I paraphrase) is "No one is ever congratulated or acknowleded anyone for what they said they were going to do". Any time you find yourself with a dream that occupies your time and thoughts and yet you are not really making any positive moves toward the goal, at some point you must either begin to take those steps, or acknowledge that it really wasn't that much of a dream after all. Too often in my life I have allowed myself to take the easier route of acknowledging the lack of trueness of the dream and simply convinced myself that all that time and energy spent thinking and planning was a lie and the admission that the absence of the dream was an acceptable reallty. The easier but far less satifying route.

So, here I am, committing again, to push on, to suck it up, to see the bigger goal of creating th life I want instead of short term comfort or ease. What makes the difference, how to find the strength, make the tougher choice? I am very interested in this idea, since I have often been so disappointed in my own choices

......tomorrow, back to Italy.....
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