Tina Time

3/6/06

So, it seems this may be confusing for someone joining the blog from some starting point other than personalverses.com (ha ha, I write this pretending there is an audience, hopeful that soon there will be one).

I have been thinking about blogging for quite some time now, and was waiting for....what? the right tool? the right time? the inspiration? I don't know, like anyting we hold the desire to do (but don't act on) as an unfulfilled dream, it just seemed time to stop talking about it and do it. Of course, the advent of the site and the public launching of both the site and myself have provided the impetus (and the deadline) to get going. With a committment to post (most) every day, I wonder what someone, who, as everyone knows, is seldom at a loss for words, but, having a blank page stretching in front of me, a open mike, an uncensored forum to expound on the myriad of inane topics I find my mind preoccupied with every day will be able to stay focused on a topic long enough to string together a not only coherent, but intelligent and thoughtgul thought. (Wow, I've made myself dizzy......)

But enough about my doubts and uncertaintanties etc. It's all posturing anyway, we all know I crave the spotlight and seek out readers for my words. So, time for a thought instead of am apology for wanting to share a thought. It's just that I have been so pre-occupied with my "coming out" (aka poetry reading) that I have neglected my daydreaming. Isn't it funny how we get so busy just doing the things we "gotta" do that there is no time for putting any energies toward doing the things that make our souls sing, the things we "wanna" do.

And yet, for the past year, while I have been "thinking" about these things I wanted to do; write more poetry, publish, start a web site, begin seriously pursuing a speaking career. I didn't know where the energy was going to come from to pursue these things, I still have to work, the family still has expectations of my time. And yet, once I set the date, for the poetry reading, for the web site, I was infused with enthusiasm and the sheer joy of doing something I didn't have to do, but wanted to and was willing and eager to do the work involved in the efforts I had taken on. There was simply no question of where the energy would come from, it simply appeared until I found (find) myself not missing the free time, not feeling tired or drained from working on what is essentially two full time jobs but eagerly enjoying every minute, those spent in the immediate pursuit of these personal goals as well as those spent completing another task, one not directly linked, but that once completed would allow me to work on my project.